Dear So and So

19 Mar

I like the idea of 3 Bedroom Bungalow’s “Dear So and So” letters. Things I should/would/could say are always rolling around in my head. Taking up valuable thinking space. Perhaps if I write them down they’ll dissipate. Maybe.

Dear Mole family,

I know that digging tunnels and things is in your nature. I get it. But, honestly, just knowing that you are there freaks me out. Please vacate my garden. Forthwith. Or I shall have to resort to some of those “solutions” I found on Google.


Freaked out enough to perhaps do something about it. Soon.

Dear grass,

If you could please grow, I would appreciate it. I’m sick of having the worst yard in the neighbourhood. And perhaps if you grew you could muscle out some of the masses of weeds out there. My back is broke from pulling up weeds. Two buckets in three days, is a bit much. I’m the one who could be facing a $1600 fine for “damaging” the lawn.


Exasperated by the lack of grass.

Dear Me,

I think you are addicted to t’interweb. You don’t need to check it quite so frequently. Or spend  so long on it. You’re doing nothing productive. Killing time, is what I think it’s called. Stop it. Play with your son. Study for your driver’s license. Get out your Japanese books. You have a sewing machine languishing in the corner too. There are loads of other things you could be at. Stop. Using. The. Internet. As. A. Crutch. Just stop!

Yours in exasperation.


4 Responses to “Dear So and So”

  1. TheMadHouse March 19, 2010 at 4:24 pm #

    Will they really charge you for having bad grass

    • turtleturtleturtle March 19, 2010 at 4:29 pm #

      It may just be scare mongering. But I wouldn’t put anything past them. The whole thing needs to be dug up (by something other than moles) and reseeded. I never understood lawn maintenance until I came here. In Ireland grass just grows. There’s no skill to it. Here, it’s a different story.

  2. Kat March 22, 2010 at 1:33 pm #

    I have a mole problem that has hit epic proportions. I am about to call the elusive “mole man” that my friends have told me about.

    • turtleturtleturtle March 22, 2010 at 2:57 pm #

      I need a “mole man”, but we’re moving so soon it’s hardly worth it.

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