Tips for travelling with my family

2 May
  • Take some kind of sedative
  • Wash it down with alcohol. Perhaps vodka.
  • When the car conks on the dual carriageway 2 hours from the airport, do NOT panic.
  • Do NOT ask questions.
  • Presume that it will all be fine.

(Panicking is detrimental to your health. Questions will get you eaten. And whatever “answer” you might get will sound like this “Huff puff huff huff f*cking huff huff!” So say nothing, even if you are worried about the crazy gesticulation that was going  on when they were outside looking at the engine.)

  • Bring Rosary beads, so that when you meet truckloads of traffic on your magical mystery tour to avoid the tolls, your heart doesn’t palpitate out of your chest.
  • Remember that they are not avoiding tolls out of meanness, but out of some skewed sense of righteousness. And you love them for it, you really do. Ahem.
  • Take a deep breath when you get to the airport, even if you are on time, because you are less than half way there.
  • Don’t get too complacent when the flight passes without a hitch.
  • Don’t be surprised that their immigration forms are filled out incorrectly. And will have to be filled in again. Even though you offered to look them over. And were told they were fine.
  • It will take over half an hour for them to fill in the forms again. Breathe deeply. Try and get the luggage while wrangling a small toddler.
  • You can NOT relax on the drive home. Da will be moithered  by having to drive on the right hand side. He will make a left turn into the wrong lane if you’re not paying attention.
  • Arrive home. Have a few stiff drinks.

You have survived!



2 Responses to “Tips for travelling with my family”

  1. TheMadHouse May 2, 2010 at 4:08 pm #

    Sounds like an eventful journey home.

    • turtleturtleturtle May 3, 2010 at 4:08 pm #

      Just a bit. Just a bit.

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